Mindfulness Part II: An exercise in letting go of control to experience peace

This is the second post in a series on Mindfulness. Mindfulness refers to many things but here I am referring to a specific set of skills, called mindfulness skills that have been tested in research trials and shown to improve wellbeing if practised. This post looks at an exercise about letting go of the controlling part of our awareness to access a state of peace. I’ll firstly go over how to identify the controller part in our thinking then discuss the exercise.

What Is The Controller?

The Controller is the set of thoughts that are aimed at making effort and changing things. It can be difficult to identify these thoughts as most people don’t “hear” these types of thoughts so you may need to ask yourself repeatedly: “Am I trying to get somewhere else right now?” or “Do I believe that this moment is not ok?” If the answer is yes, the Controller is probably active.

Thoughts about planning for the future are Controller thoughts. For example: thinking about what you are going to buy for dinner or how you are going to manage an upcoming meeting, or any other aspect of the future means your mind is trying to figure out what you need to do in order to feel ok. Your mind thinks that ‘feeling ok’ is in the future and that you will feel good later on if you are prepared and know what to do. This may be partly true; however, it also means that there is much less ability to enjoy peace in the present moment. You can plan if you want to but if you want to find peace right now, learn to let go of the controller.

Thoughts about the past are also Controller thoughts. For example: thinking about times when things didn’t go well or going over events from the past. This can occur for many reasons but often there is a critical theme in Controller thoughts where our minds repeatedly remind us about our mistakes. Perhaps the control comes from the mind’s desire to learn from these. Who knows? Regardless, these thoughts are distractions from being able to enjoy the peace in the present moment. Sometimes letting go of thoughts about the past can bring up emotions. We can feel fear, frustration or other feelings when we make a decision to let go. However, it’s easier to let go of a thought then feel the emotion than it is to keep ruminating because ruminating will add more and more fuel to the emotion and keep us stuck

Now you know a bit about identifying the controlling aspects of thinking, here are the steps to let go:

Exercise: Letting Go of the Controller

Sit comfortably with your eyes closed. Practice controlled breathing (http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8ABF9C2342A85A0A). When you start to feel relaxed then allow your breathing to go at it’s own pace.

Imagine that you are standing in a large field holding a bunch of balloons. Look around you in the scene and describe what you see. Each time you have a ‘descriptive thought’ like “A line of trees” or “Some low bushes” then imagine putting each thought into a balloon and letting it go.

Now bring your attention inward and describe your emotions, physical sensations, urges and thoughts. Each time you have an ‘internal experience’ like “an urge to scratch my nose” or “a tingling in my knee” or “a thought about the past” then imagine putting each thought into a balloon and letting it go.

Now bring your intention to letting go of all of your internal experiences. You can do this by asking yourself:

“Am I trying to control anything right now?”

“Am I allowing everything to be as it is?”

“Is there any part of me that is making effort?”

It’s normal for more thoughts, urges, sensations, and emotions to arise. Each time they do, place them onto a balloon and let them go. As you do this, you might notice that things become more peaceful. When this occurs, you can investigate and be curious about what it is like when you let go by asking yourself:

“What happens when there is no strategy?”

“What is it like when I allow everything to be as it is?”

You might notice that when you let go of control, when you place each experience onto a balloon and pay it no more attention, that there is a sense of spaciousness that comes into awareness. Allow yourself to feel that openness. There is nothing to understand there – just open to the space that is in that moment.

There is always an opportunity to keep letting go at deeper and deeper levels. Just watch what happens, without any commentary, without trying to figure it out, keep it or learn from it. Each moment you let go of your internal experience is an opportunity to experience stillness. Stay as long as you want.

Where Can I Find Out More About This?

There are lots of great guided meditations on YouTube. The style of meditation is called self-enquiry. I quite like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQGRSddbU0I&list=PL-CBEJ7_BksVqmxcP0TkxycwwzPFFh99U

A New Series on Mindfulness: the LABL Exercise

I will come back to the series on Anger as I have had some recent requests to do a series on Mindfulness. This post will look at an exercise called the LABL exercise that many people have found useful for dealing with feelings. This is one of my absolute favourite mindfulness exercises.

Why is it useful?
Often when we are feeling bad our minds can start working overtime. Many of us deal with feelings by try to mentally figure out a way to stop feeling so bad. However, research shows that when we are in a negative emotional state that our thoughts become restricted to mostly negative thoughts. So it's like trying to get out of a hole by digging. Thinking can as an attempt to problem solve the situation can create hundreds of "What if...?" thoughts rather than a viable solution. "What if I fail?" "What if this doesn't improve?" "What if they don't like me?" and so on.

Often our emotions are like the heat that heats up our minds and creates a 'cognitive popcorn' effect where we can't stop thinking and feel worse and worse from the stress. The LABL exercise can help get you out of your head by bringing your awareness into your body. I am constantly amazed at the breakthroughs that can occur for people when they train themselves into meeting the feeling in their body rather than analysing it in their heads.

There is a link to download a guided version of this exercise but here are the steps if you want to do it on your own:

1. Label what you are feeling. For example: “This is sadness” or “This is shame”. If you are
feeling several emotions then label the strongest emotion. If you don’t notice any emotion, then look for experiences like numbness, emptiness or neutrality and label it that.

2. Acknowledge the physical sensations. Where do you feel this emotion in your body?
Emotions are usually felt in the area between the throat and the pelvis since there are multiple nerve endings associated with emotions in this area. Sometimes they are in the arms, hands or felt as a pressure around your head. If you notice the emotion in several areas, try to focus just on the area where the sensations are strongest. Can you feel the perimeter of the emotion or the space that it takes up in your body? Can you notice how the physical sensations of the emotion change from moment to moment?

3. Breathe into the emotion and experience it fully. Imagine that your breath moves into
the area where the emotion is. Each time that you breathe in, focus on becoming a little bit more willing to experience the emotion. This step is about working towards 100% willingness to feel the emotion. This can be tough to begin with. It can help to just try to feel a little bit of it (like 5% of it) and work up. Saying things to yourself like: “It’s safe to feel this emotion”, “I am willing to feel this” or “I am in control of how much I want to feel of this” can help.
4. Let go. In this step you can let go of the emotion. Some people like to take some deep
breaths and imagine breathing the emotion out and letting it go a little more each time. This step is to remind us that no emotions are permanent – they are always coming, going and changing.

At the end of the LABL process you might notice that the emotion has changed. It might be less, or it might be more... or it could still be very similar. The point of this exercise is not to get rid of the emotion. The point is to not avoid the emotion. It is normal to want to get rid of painful emotions and most people feel frustrated if the emotion isn’t gone after you let it go. That’s why it can be useful to repeat the LABL steps several times each time that you sit down to do it. Once you let go, go back to the start and label whatever feeling is strongest and start again. This will help you to learn that trying to get rid of emotions is avoiding. The LABL exercise is designed to increase your willingness to experience emotions. This will help you to reduce the avoidance of emotion that tends to keep negative experiences going. 

Here is the link to download a guided mp3 version of this exercise: https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0B59Y9tDyah5AaFZLUE94c1R5S0U&usp=sharing. When you click on the LABL exercise you will see a small arrow appear in the bottom right of the screen to download the file. 

Acknowledgement
With gratitude to Belinda Khong for sharing this technique with me with the many people it has helped over the years.