Recognising
thoughts
The first step is to identify the thought that is causing your negative mood. Many
people are not aware of their thinking but instead tend to notice their
symptoms, like anxiety, shame or behaviours like shutting down or feeling
paralyzed. In these cases try to guess
what you might be thinking. It might help to look at the post on Common
Thinking Traps (which is two below this one) in order to understand what kinds
of thoughts to look for.
Challenging
Negative Thoughts
Once you have identified your negative
thought (or thoughts) the next step is to challenge that thought by writing
down the reasons why the thought is not accurate and why it is unhelpful.
Why
is this thought inaccurate?
Write down all the reasons why the thought
is not 100% true. No thought is ever 100% true although it is very common for
it to feel that way. Look for the reasons why the thought isn’t true in all
situations, all the time, with everyone.
For example, let’s say you were challenging
the thought: “I am a failure because my kids hate me”. Here is a list of
reasons why the thought isn’t 100% true in all situations, all the time, with
everyone.
- Sometimes my son can be quite caring towards me, but only when others aren’t around.
- Just because they don’t like me a lot of the time, doesn’t mean that I am a failure. Most parents are hated by their children when they go through adolescence – it doesn’t mean that they are all failures.
- There are a few areas in my life where I am not a failure. I do ok at my job, my husband is happy and I still have relationships with some friends that are quite good.
- My kids don’t actually hate me all the time. Last week they seemed quite happy with me for taking them out for the day.
The idea is to keep this list handy and to keep adding to it regularly. Part of
the reason why negative thoughts feel so true is that there is so much evidence
for the thought. If we have a thought like the one above then we are more
likely to look for evidence that confirms our belief.
Think
of this like a courtroom. The negative belief has a
star legal team and mountains of evidence and you are on the other side with
just a few reasons why the thought isn’t true. In order to feel better you will
need to collect the facts in order to build evidence against the negative
belief. The more evidence you have the more likely you are to win the case
against your negative belief.
Why
is this thought unhelpful?
It’s usually easier to start by writing out the reasons why the thought is unhelpful.
Sometimes it’s just too difficult to see how the thought is inaccurate. In
these cases write out your answers to the following:
- How do you feel when you believe this thought?
- How do you behave when you believe this thought?
- How do you treat yourself unkindly when you believe this thought either in your head or physically?
- How do you treat others unkindly when you believe this thought?
- When you believe this thought, does it cause avoidance that will lead to long-term problems?
Troubleshooting
I can’t stress how important it is to WRITE DOWN YOUR THOUGHT CHALLENGING.
This is the number one reason why I see people get stuck and unable to progress
in treatment. Part of the reason why I think they get stuck is that they try to
challenge the thought but their negative thinking has 10,000 reasons why the
belief is true. The thought challenging may not work because each time they try
to think of one reason why they thought isn’t true, their mind comes up with 20
reasons why it is true.
Writing down your challenging will slow the
process down. It will help you to see that there are several valid reasons on a
page that dispute the belief. It also let’s you come back to the page and add
to it so that you have a solid argument against the thought instead of just a
few pieces of one-off evidence.
So
after reading this post write down these two questions somewhere:
Why is this thought inaccurate?
Why is this thought unhelpful?
When your mood becomes more negative try to
recognize the thought by guessing what you may have believed about yourself or
your situation at the time. Write down the thought then write out your
challenges to it. Write on paper, in your phone, a diary, on your computer –
anywhere that’s convenient. That’s the process.
Next post I will write about some more
advanced techniques for challenging negative thinking.
