Saturday 29 December 2012

Common Thinking Traps



Thinking traps are types of thoughts that result in negative emotions. These thinking traps are very common – everyone thinks this way sometimes. There is a lot of research evidence showing that people who can reduce these thinking styles become happier over time. 


Don’t worry about trying to memorize them all since many of the thinking traps are very similar. It is not important that you can perfectly classify your thoughts – just learn to recognize if you are in a thinking trap in a general sense. The next step is to write it down and challenge it (more on this at the end of the post). 


Check if you frequently use any of the following thinking styles:

All or nothing thinking / Black & White thinking

Thinking in terms of absolutes without recognizing that there are always shades of grey to the reality of the situation.
"If it’s not perfect, then it’s a disaster"
“It never works out for me”
“It always ends up badly”
Nothing I do is right.”

Catastrophising

Jumping to a negative conclusion without thinking of the reasons why it might work out ok. Deflating the chances that you can cope with negative outcomes

“This will never work out”
“I’ll never cope if I get any worse than this”
“It will be a disaster like last time”
“I won’t cope”
“I’ll fall to pieces”

Shoulds / Musts / Oughts
Setting standards for yourself and others that lead to guilt (self) or frustration (others) when they are not met. Not tolerating mistakes.
"I can't make mistakes"
“80%, 90%, 95% isn’t good enough”
“I should have done it differently”
“I should be better”
“I am not good enough”
“I should have realized that beforehand”

Making feelings facts (emotional reasoning)
Using the way you feel about something to justify it as reality
“If I feel anxious I must be in danger”
“If I feel like a loser then I must be”
“If I have a bad feeling about this then something bad must be about to happen”
“The positive thought doesn’t feel true to me so it must be false/wrong”

Overgeneralising

Applying your experience in one or a few situations to all situations
“Men only want sex”
“You just can’t trust anyone”
“People will always let you down”
“People in authority will take advantage of you”


It is normal to feel uneasy as you start to recognise how often you think this way. The next step is to challenge these thoughts so that you can learn they aren't completely true. The more you feel they are true the more emotional pain will occur. Write down your answers to these quick questions to challenge your thinking trap thoughts:


1. List three reasons why this thought is not completely, 100% true.
2. List how this thought is unhelpful (How do you feel or behave when you believe it is true?)
3. How would life be different if you could let go of this thought?




Monday 22 October 2012

Challenging Your Inner Critic


Many of the failures and difficulties in your life are due to your inner-critic. Your inner-critic is the internal voice that we all have that tries to sabotage our lives by telling us that we are always wrong in some way. Imagine that someone else had to listen to your inner-critic all day long. Would they start to struggle as well? Perhaps you are not such a failure but you might have a ‘critic problem’.

Step 1 is to examine what the critic has done in your life. Look at the following example then complete your own below

What my critic tells me?
What do I do when I listen to or believe the critic?
How has this confirmed what the critic wanted me to believe?
How might it have turned out differently if you didn’t have a critic?
You will always fail so why bother.
I don’t try. I don’t speak up. I don’t ask for things. I use drugs because there is nothing else good in my life.
Using drugs always makes me feel like I am a failure.
I would be able to be more social, do better at work, and not feel so stressed that the only peace I can have is being stoned.


Complete this one for your own situation and history:

What my critic tells me?
What do I do when I listen to or believe the critic?
How has this confirmed what the critic wanted me to believe?
How might it have turned out differently if you didn’t have a critic?








The next step is to talk back to the critic when it tries to run your life. In the left hand box write down what your critic says and in the right hand box write down what you can say back to it.

Here is an example of someone else challenging their inner critic…

What does the critic say?
Talk back to it! Kick it out!
You can’t trust yourself.
This is all your fault.
You’re not good enough.
You should have known better.
You shouldn’t have made those mistakes in the past.
You’re handling this the wrong way.
You can’t do anything right.
You can’t fix this.
You don’t deserve to be angry. You have no right.
You only have yourself to blame.
You’re not strong enough to set boundaries with others.
Whatever boundaries that you set, they will only be broken.
Even if you try to move on, things will go wrong and you will be back where you started.
You will always be alone. You have to face how much damage this has caused you.
It’s too painful to be alone.
You’re hopeless.
Nothing that you say helps me. Whenever I listen to you I feel hopeless and worthless and inadequate. I know exactly what you are going to say. I know you are here because I feel anxiety and fear and shame. It’s so boring. I don’t have to listen to you anymore. If you weren’t here I would be able to see that I am doing ok. You are the reason why I always feel like I am not good enough. Without you I would be able to see and accept that I am getting better, that I am more myself now, and that I am doing what is best for me. You are the reason why I can’t accept myself and the good things in my life. You make me feel like I don’t deserve the good things. You are just trying to ruin my life. You don’t want me to see that I can have fun and be free. You make me think everything is hard. I am sick of you telling me that I can’t cope. I am sick of you telling me that I can’t do anything about it. If you weren’t here I would be able to trust myself and my own guidance. I don’t need you. I don’t want you. I don’t deserve you. You don’t care about me. You make me feel ashamed even now of standing up for myself. ENOUGH! Go away and leave me alone.

Try the exercise yourself…

What does the critic say?
Talk back to it! Kick it out!





Saturday 6 October 2012

App for Recovery from Depression

This app was developed by a games programmer who became depressed then developed a software program to help herself recover. I have been using it for about a week as an iPhone app and it appears to be based on sound recovery principles that are backed up by the research evidence. 


I would recommend it for people who are in the early stages of recovery or for those who already like using phone or Facebook apps. There are some really interesting features involving collaboration with your support group (friends and family members) that I think could work really well. It's free so have a look at it here: https://www.superbetter.com/

Monday 10 September 2012

What is graded exposure?


Graded exposure is a technique that psychologists use to help people to change their behaviour. Basically it works by taking a behaviour that someone finds very hard to do, and breaks it into smaller steps. You might have heard of this approach – the tricky part is figuring out which steps will help you reach your goal and to watch out for safety behaviours. See the end of this article for help with this…

The reason why it is hard to change most behaviour is because of avoidance. By making a list of behaviours that you are avoiding, and then working from the easy to the hard tasks, it becomes easier to change your behaviour.

For example: Let’s say I am trying to become more assertive. I know I should say “No” more often but I just can’t seem to.
  • First I would make a list of lots of different things that I am avoiding that have to do with assertiveness.
  • Then I rank them from easy to hard.
  • After that I would start with the easy tasks and work up.
  • Completing each task will boost my confidence that I can speak up and be assertive during the next task.


Graded exposure involves:
  1. Figuring out which behaviour you would like to change (e.g., assertiveness, being more social, less reassurance seeking with others, learning to deal with panic attacks etc.)
  2. Making a list of things that you avoid that are related to your goal.
  3. Starting with easy tasks and working up the list.


However, there are two commons problems to watch out for: figuring out the right steps and safety behaviours. At the bottom of this post are a few example lists that you can check so that it is easier for you to figure out what to put on your list. The basic idea is that you do the steps that create an emotion that is hard for you to tolerate. Then, instead of acting on the feeling and doing what it tells you, you do the opposite behaviour of what the feeling urges you to do.

For example: If you practice speaking up or saying No you will probably feel fear or guilt. The feeling might normally cause you to stay quiet or apologise a lot. The opposite behaviour would be to speak your opinion more often or to not apologise.

The second issue is safety behaviours. Safety behaviours are ANY behaviour that we use to get rid of difficult feelings. They are like a crutch that we might use when we have a broken leg. At first we need to use a crutch but as we get better it is important to let go of the crutch so that we can return to living at its best. Here is a list of common safety behaviours to phase out as you get better at graded exposure.

  • Taking someone with you to do difficult tasks
  • Not making eye contact
  • Pretending to be engrossed in your mobile phone when you feel uncomfortable
  • Using other objects to avoid interaction
  • Leaving when you feel too uncomfortable
  • Using drugs/alcohol before, during or after tasks to calm down
  • Apologising
  • Not speaking your truth / speaking in half-truths / sugar-coating what you say
  • Re-assurance seeking with others
  • Overworking or keeping very busy so that you don’t have to feel difficult feelings like loneliness or loss


Here are some lists of ranked tasks for common goals people have:

Symptom Level
Assertiveness Tasks
Very high
Extreme anxiety – I can barely stand it

£ Discuss your feelings about an important issue with a work colleague without making apologies

£ Discuss your feelings about an important issue with a family member without making apologies

£ Ask someone to stop a behavior that is annoying you (i.e. a flat mate who doesn’t clean up)

£ Speak up in a meeting or social event

£ Say no to a task at work

High
Really unpleasant – My heart is racing

£ Go into a store and try on items but don’t buy anything. Just ask for help from the clerk. (Tip: Leave your wallet at home)

£ Discuss your feelings about a non-confrontational issue with a colleague

£ Discuss your feelings about an important issue with a close friend

Medium
Unpleasant – I really don’t want to be here

£ Ask a store attendant for a discount on a non-sale item in a store

£ Politely decline a request from a friend

£ Discuss your feelings about a non-confrontational issue with a family member
 
£ Write a critical post on an internet discussion board

Low
Mild Anxiety – I am aware of my tension, but I can handle this

£ Politely postpone a request from a friend

£ Ask an attendant in a store to tell you more about a product

£ Pay for something in small change

£ Say to someone who makes a request of you “I don’t know, but I will get back to you” even if you will do it anyway

Very low
A bit of tension – I’m fine, this just feels a bit odd

£ Politely ask a favour of a friend

£ Ask a store attendant to show you where an item is in the store

£ Ask someone unfamiliar the time or for directions


Symptom Level
Tasks For Reducing Re-assurance Seeking
Very high
Extreme anxiety – I can barely stand it

£  Leave mobile phone at home for 1 day

£  Do not say sorry or pre-empt checking with anyone, unless there is clear evidence to do so, for 1 day

£  Delay responding to an email, unless in emergency, for 1 day

£  Don’t apologise for anything for a full day

High
Really unpleasant – My heart is racing

£  Reduce pre-emptive checking in with people to once per day

£  Do not check the news for one day

£  Delay responding to emails for over 1 hour

£  Reduce checking mobile for text messages/missed calls to once per day

£  Don’t apologise for anything for half a day                                            

Medium
Unpleasant – I really don’t want to be here

£  Reduce pre-emptive checking in with people to 3 times a day

£  Reduce checking news (on TV, radio or the internet) to twice per day

£  Reduce checking mobile for text messages/missed calls to 3 times per day


Low
Mild Anxiety – I am aware of my tension, but I can handle this


£  Reduce pre-emptive checking in with people to 4 times per day

£  Delay responding to emails/missed calls for 30mins

£  Reduce checking mobile for text messages/missed calls to 5  times a day

£  Reduce checking the news (on TV, radio or the internet) to 4 times a day


Very low
A bit of tension – I’m fine, this just feels a bit odd


£  Reduce checking mobile for text messages/missed calls to 8 times a day

£  Delay responding to emails/missed calls for 10mins

£  Reduce checking news (on TV, radio or the internet) to 4 times a day


Symptom Level
Tasks For Learning to Cope with Panic Attacks
Very high
Extreme anxiety – I can barely stand it

£  Walk up and down steps quickly for a minute, then try and control your breathing while breathing in and out of a paper bag for 1 min

£  Wear an extra layer of clothing and then spin on the spot for 30 sec and don’t sit down immediately

£  Drink coffee and try any of the high tasks

High
Really unpleasant – My heart is racing

£  Wear 1 extra layer of clothing to simulate feeling hot, and breathe through a straw for 1 min holding your nose

£  Wear 1 extra layer of clothing to simulate feeling hot and put cotton wool in the cheeks of your mouth to simulate a dry mouth

Medium
Unpleasant – I really don’t want to be here

£  Breathe in and out through a straw for 1 min to simulate breathlessness

£  Combine wearing an extra layer of clothing with spinning on the spot for 30 sec

£  Drink coffee and combine with any of the low or very low tasks

Low
Mild Anxiety – I am aware of my tension, but I can handle this

£  Spin on the spot for a 30 sec (to simulate feeling dizzy)

£  Breathe in and out of a paper bag for 1min to simulate feeling of hyperventilation

£  Hold breath for 30 sec

£  Put cotton wool in the cheeks of your mouth to simulate having a dry mouth

Very low
A bit of tension – I’m fine, this just feels a bit odd

£  Seated, shake head from side to side to simulate dizziness

£  Wear 1 extra layer of clothing doing housework to simulate feeling hot or flushed

£  Hold a “tense” position (a push up position, a sit-up position) for 1 min to simulate complete body tension