This post looks at how to challenge
unhelpful thoughts that cause anxiety and worry. This post is part of a series
about thought challenging so please check the previous posts if this one isn’t
making sense. I’ll start by looking at how to identify the thinking that causes
anxiety and then look at how to challenge those thoughts.
The thinking that typically drives anxiety
is some type of prediction about the future. Anxiety is actually caused by
dozens of factors, but for the sake of understanding, this post just looks at
how to deal with anxiety caused by worrying predictions about the future.
Step 1 is to write down your worrying
thoughts and use the downward arrow technique to identify your core fear. Instructions
for using the downward arrow technique are listed in a previous post here. This
exercise takes about 1-5 minutes.
Step 2 is to take the core fear and write
down everything that would have to occur in order for the core fear to actually
happen. You can use the steps from the downward arrow technique and then add
others that are logical.
For example: Let’s say that someone’s
initial worries are that their relationship with their husband is going badly.
So they do the downward arrow technique and they recognise that the core fear
is of being alone for the rest of their lives. In order for that to occur the
following things would need to happen.
John and I can’t
work through our issues together by talking.
John refuses to
attend couples therapy to address the issues.
John stops
talking to his friends/family and has no feedback from any other person about
how to address the issues.
John becomes 100%
unwilling to change.
We get a
divorce.
I am unable to
recover from the impact of the divorce.
No men show any
interest in me for the rest of my life.
I refuse to go
out or put myself in situations where I might be attracted/interested in
another person.
I completely
deny any feelings of interest in other men for the rest of my life and refuse
to interact with men who are interested in me.
I will be alone
for the rest of my life.
Step 3 is to write down the chance that
each one would occur. Write this down as 1 chance in 2,3,4,5….10,000 etc so it
looks like this:
John and I can’t
work through our issues together by talking. (1 in 5)
John refuses to
attend couples therapy to address the issues. (1 in 2)
John stops
talking to his friends/family and has no feedback from any other person about
how to address the issues. (1 in 20)
John becomes 100%
unwilling to change. (1 in 20)
We get a
divorce. (1 in 1)
I am unable to
recover from the impact of the divorce. (1 in 1000)
No men show any
interest in me for the rest of my life. (1 in 50)
I refuse to go
out or put myself in situations where I might be attracted/interested in
another person. (1 in 1000)
I completely
deny any feelings of interest in other men for the rest of my life and refuse
to interact with men who are interested in me. (1 in 100)
I will be alone
for the rest of my life. (1 in 1)
Step 4 is to multiply all of these
estimates together. This allows you to estimate how likely the core fear
actually is. 1 in 2 becomes 1/2; 1 in 3
becomes 1/3 and so on.
From the above example: 1/5 x ½ x 1/20 x
1/20 x 1/1 x 1/1000 x 1/50 x 1/1000 x 1/100 x 1/1. A quick math refresher from
school: multiply the numbers on the bottom on a calculator. Then the final
probability of the core fear is 1 chance in that number.
1/20,000,000,000,000 or 1 chance in 20
trillion.
Step 5 is to understand how likely that is
to occur by going to a page that explains the odds here. You can see from that
page that this person has a higher chance of dying from spontaneous ignition of
her nightwear than she does of remaining alone for the rest of her life.
Hopefully she feels a bit better now.
Our brains are built to detect threat.
Evolutionary theory predicts that if we didn’t have a brain that detected
threats quickly then our genes would be unlikely to survive. However, surviving
in a modern world where the threats are not usually fatal means understanding
that your brain will overestimate how likely a threat is. If you are an anxious
person you come from a good stock of ancestors who may have been the first to
detect threats and run or fight. Their anxiety saved them. In order to not feel
anxious yourself you can use self-talk to remind yourself that the actual risk
of something happening is nowhere near as imminent as your brain is telling you.
